well, what an interesting day. Nothing like being shuttled from office to office at a hospital! That will SURELY keep you positive as you sit there worried to death! :) I started out at my Dr. office. . .looked at it. . told me to go downstairs to get blood drawn then go get an ultrasound, then come back. Mama and I had talked last night about HER thyroid stuff, what happened to her. .she had no "alarms" about my lump. . I was glad. I trust her intuition very much.Hate needles, and that girl must have taken 7 or 8 vials of it. I had 2 women talking to me while she couldn't find a vein, switched arms, stuck me, etc. I had them all laughing by the end of my experience there. Then there was a van waiting to take mt to the ultrasound place. wow. At least I don't have to worry about moving my car and finding a parking place! :) how nice! Wait a minute, WHY are they being so nice to me?? Is something wrong??Now, I am trying to stay positive thru the whole experience, but I start to realize I'm alone. My Mama is in a meeting. . Gary is with the kids and Mema. . .SHOULD I be worried??So I get to the ultrasound place and there is the nicest girl there. She of course asks me how I'm doing. . how do I answer that? o.k. I guess? I don't know how it started, but she mentioned a man came in yesterday, he was so nice. He gave her a card. "If you meet me and forget me, that's o.k.. But if you meet Jesus and forget Him, you will be lost forever." Amen sister! I tell her that WHATEVER happens today I know I will be o.k. because I know Jesus, and I know the Holy Spirit is with me right now. She just looked at me. So we started talking about our kids. .she has a 5-yr-old. I talked about how children will get you back in church. She's a single mom. That's o.k. MY mom was a single mom and I turned out o.k. I might have headed down a wrong road or two, but the foundation she laid in me by taking me to church all the time saved me. 2 hours later I go back for my ultrasound. . they were full today and had to work me in. LOTS of time to think and NO BOOK to read! The lady scanned my lump, then went on the left side. . . .she hung around the left side a little longer than I wanted her to. . . "Did you find something else?" "Yes, you have 2 other lumps. One is dime size at the base of your throat, the one you feel is about the size of a golf-ball, and then there is another one on the left that is bigger than the one you can see and feel, but it's more in the inside/middle of your neck. I'm gonna put STAT on this and have the radiologist look at this immediately and fax it over to the Dr's office." What??!! Immediately?!?!?! Three??!! Of course, I went from a-z in a split second and saw myself as having cancer and it must be bad and spreading. I had a scare in 2000 with pre-cancerous cells in my cervix and had to have a LEEP. That 2-week wait to find out was one of the worst times in my life. And the day I found out I DIDN"T have it, my best friend found out she DID have breast cancer. So the van picks me up to take me BACK to the Dr. office. I'm crying in the van. I'm tired. I haven't eaten. And I'm feeling very alone. The driver in the van spoke up and started talking about Jesus. I know Jesus, and I know it's going to be o.k., I said in the middle of the tears. He said,"Remember Romans 8:28, And we know that ALL things work together for GOOD to those who love God,". I needed that. . and the Holy Spirit brought that to him because He knew it would mean something to ME. That has been Katherine Wolf's verse since her aneurism. wow. I get upstairs in Dr. waiting room feelin gvery lonely. I start praying." Lord, help me. I know you have sent the Holy Spirit to comfort me, but I can't feel Him". . .my phone rings. It's Mama. She's in her meeting but she stepped out 'cuz she felt like she needed to call me, like I needed her. Yes Mama, I do. Do you want me to leave my meeting? No, I'm o.k., I jsut needed to hear your voice. "I know you are afraid, but it really is gonna be o.k" I told her about them finding 3 lumps. . . I'll call her later. Now I'm in the room. "Thank you Lord for answering my prayer, I know you are with me. . .I'm still afraid". . my phone rings, it's my sponsor and friend who got the breast cancer. "Amanda, I know you are scared, but it's gonna be o.k. Let's pray" . .a nd we prayed over the phone. Then the Dr. walks in. I have 3 bilateral thyroidal cysts. . NO hard masses. It's NOT cancer. I'm having thyroid trouble and we can handle that. Hallelujah!! thank you Lord! So I go back Monday after all the lab test are back to decide what the next step is. . . drain 'em, take them out. . . pills. . .diet. . .what to do about the thyroid. . . I think my lesson for the day was a HUGE reminder that I truly am NEVER alone. . My Father in heaven is watching over me and the Holy Spirit IS my comforter, I am NOT an orphan. . I am so lucky to be able to see every day how HE works in my life. How has HE worked in YOUR life today??Ask yourself this question, "Are you living the life Christ DIED for you to live?"

new year

As I sit here in my "bum" clothes, my favorite pink sweat bottoms and my favorite Disney sweatshirt that is 2 sizes too big, I find myself not being able to go to sleep.
That happens alot, so I tend to write in my journal. But tonight I wanted to try this.
I found myself back in my bedroom flipping channels. . ER isn't on. . . nothing but ballgames and cheesy B movies like Rocky 4 and Van Wilder. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Van Wilder, Ryan Reynolds is hot, but this is NOT how I want my new year to start out.
I find myself thinking about what is REALLY important to me today. . . not my unicorn collection. . not the dirty dishes in the sink. . not the laundry that didn't get washed 'cuz Mema told me not to. . .so what IS important to me today?
Pictures. I want to get my pictures back up on the walls. . .I want to get them in scrapbooks so my children can look at them, enjoy them, know who these important people are in my life and the funny stories that go along with them.
Time. I want more time to spend with my family. And I don't mean just doing something with them in the same room. . real quality time. . .sharing. . feeling. . making memories. Sometimes I see that we are in the room but we're not PRESENT. . there's a difference. I want to be present. I want my husband to be present.
A friend of mine in Arkansas gave me a plaque that reads "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." Amen.
So what are my resolutions for this new year. . this year of new beginnings?
1. Obviously, lose weight. Get more exercise. I have not dealt with grief well and I have got to get back in shape so I'll feel better.
2. Review my "TO DO" list. I have a list of things I want to do or see in this life, and this year I'm doing at least one of them.
3. Read more. I have 5 books right now in my 'to read" bag. My mother says I have to read "The Robe" first. She must be right cuz every book I pick up, I can't read it for whatever reason. She says its 'cuz she knows I'm supposed to read that one next. I've put it off for 6 months now. Usually when that happens it's 'cuz my spirit knows it will be powerful, maybe life changing, and I just haven't been sure I could handle that right now with all the Mema stuff. But I'm gonna start it this weekend.
4. Turn off the TV. I did an experiment this past summer/fall where I jsut turned it off. It really does make a difference. We interact more, read more, play more, talk more.
5. Write more. I'm currently working on 3 books and I want to finish them. I have GOT to find time every day to write.
Those are just a few of the things I want to do. . didn't know when I sat down that I would make a new year's list . . usually not into that. . dont' want to set myself up to fail. . but I guess I need to this year.
So many things in my life are coming full circle. . . relationships being healed. . going back to places that were significant in my life. . reconnecting with people. . .
2009 is gonna be something else.

just starting out

just created this account and seeing what it's all about.